


Rules

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bullying, Depression, I will tag triggers in the beginning of each chapter, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Verbal Abuse, first fic, this is gonna be fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-12 06:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7089181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider was broken.<br/>Dave Strider made rules, so it would never happen again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where We Are Now

This never should have happened. It never should have gotten to this point. You shouldn't be here, holding your head like you can contain it all while trying not to scream.

You had to turn off your phone because Karkat kept trying to call you. He could tell that something was off today. He is the only person you would ever let see you like this. He's an exception to the rules. But not today. Not today.

You can't let the tears escape. That would be breaking the rules. Bro won't come home. He never comes home this early. Dirk doesn't stop by anymore. Karkat is busy with Kankri. Your other friends? They haven't talked to you in ages. 

Your chest hurts. You feel dizzy and nauseated. You're losing track of time. You're not sure when you ended up on the roof instead of on your bed. You're not sure when you walked to the edge. But standing here now, swaying, looking out over the city, it seems so easy. 

Looking at the sun set behind the city, the pink and orange and yellow hues all blending together and blending together in a wonderful concoction painted across the sky, you stop.

Then you take one step forward.


	2. Where We Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all had to start somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Bullying, Verbal Abuse

When did this all start? You know exactly when. It started four and a half years ago, at age twelve. Dirk was your age, seventeen. He was still living with you and Bro. It's not like he did anything about it anyways. It started at home before it started at school. 

It started when Bro stopped bringing girls home. 

"Bro, where's Andrea?" You wandered into the living room wondering where Bro's girl of the past week had disappeared off to.

"That whore? Hell if I know." He snapped, not even turning to glance at you as you stood by the couch.

Except, that was the last girl he ever brought home. And Bro's frustration suddenly became your problem.

You burst into the living room, stopping yourself as Bro turned to look at you from his place on the couch.  
"Bro! I made this sick beat and I came up with this rap for it and do you think you could check it out and tell me if it-"

"Shut the fuck up kid, I swear, do you ever stop talking? You're real annoying Dave and I don't want to deal with this shit right now." He turned back around to watch the television. 

You turned around and walked back to your room.

It kept happening.

"Bro? I wanted to know if John can come over tonight. He's my friend from school and.... yeah."

"God, you're being such a selfish bitch right now. Can't you see that I'm trying to sleep? It's eight o clock at night and all you're fucking doing is talking about yourself. "

You told John you had to study.

These became normal conversations. 

Then your freshman year came.

You raised your hand in class, prepared to answer the teacher's question.

"Dave? Why don't you let someone else answer, sweetie. Haha, you haven't given anybody else a chance!" The teacher smiled sweetly.

The class giggled quietly.

You put your hand down.

It kept going.

"Why do you talk so much? It's kind of annoying."

"Um, can you get your hand off my shoulder? I don't want you to touch me."

"God, you eat so much. I don't even eat that much."

"Why are you crying? That's weak! You're acting like a girl."

"Why do you look sad? You should be happy! It makes everyone else sad when you're sad."

"You need to start thinking about other people, Dave. You only think about yourself."

And each one became a rule.

Talk only when necessary.

Never make physical contact.

Never eat in front of other people.

Don't show any weakness.

Always be happy.

Put others before yourself.

And that's only a few of them.

You followed the rules for four and a half years.


	3. The Beginning Of The End

You sit at the usual lunch table with your friends. It's been a normal, routine day so far. Wake up, avoid Bro, go to school, ignore everybody and follow the rules, don't eat anything at lunch. And that's where you're at right now. You're avoiding the gazes of your friends as they eat and you stare at the pattern on the table. 

Rose breaks the silence first. "So, Dave, have you done the homework for Geometry yet? It's due today."

"Yeah." Standard answer. Don't use unnecessary words.

"That's just as well, seeing as we don't have any homework for Geometry." Her eyes are locked onto you now. There is no escaping this.

You shrug.

Rose sighs and stands up. "I can't do this." She walks away, carrying her lunch tray to throw it away.

The others resume their conversations, ignoring you now. You're not sure if that's better than the staring.

The end of lunch comes, and you end up in the before mentioned Geometry class. Rose is the only person you are acquainted with in this class. The class goes by rather quickly, and before you know it school is over.

There were only a few incidents at school today. One time before school when some kid took your notebook and ripped out your notes. The other time with Rose. And, just a few minutes ago, when the same kid said you looked like a vampire. 

You're walking home now. You live close enough to the school that you can walk to and from. You are about halfway home when you remember that John was supposed to walk home with you today. 

You know he's not coming. 

There's some kids behind you that have been presumably following you the whole way. You're pretty sure they're gonna cause trouble, which they do.

"Hey! Davey!" One of them shouts. You don't turn around.

"Wanna come play with us?" Keep walking.

"Ay gay boy! You sayin my dick ain't good enough for you?" You open the door and slam it closed, breathing a sigh of relief as you begin the ascent to your apartment.

The door is already open when you reach the top. That means that Bro is home. When he is home, he's sleeping. Which turns out to be true when you check his room.

You grab a poptart from the kitchen and abscond to your room. Once the door is locked, you feel like you can relax. You throw your backpack down and fall backwards onto your bed.

You check your phone for messages, and see that John isn't even online on Pesterchum. But he did text you.

:Hey, sorry I couldn't come over today Dave. I'm over at Jade's. :B:

:It's fine bro. I'm swamped with a hella ton of homework anyways. See ya tomorrow.:

That's a lie. You don't even have any homework. After assuring that you do not, in fact, have any messages, you close your eyes. You are tempted to sleep, if you could. But you can't.

The rest of the day is spent in that exact position, eyes closed, thoughts invading your calm every once and a while. At some point you hear Bro leave for work but don't pay much mind to it. You're so tired, but the thoughts keep racing through your head, breaking your silence. There's nothing you can do about it but squeeze your eyes shut and ignore them.

Bro comes home again at some point. Which means it's time for you to get up. The screaming in your head keeps you so busy you lose time. And now, you've forgotten to sleep.

You sit up, silencing the words in your mind. You can't go to school wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday, which means you have to take a shower. 

After showering and changing, you're staring at the mirror. You usually avoid looking at the mirror, but it was so tempting. You can see why that kid called you a vampire. And he couldn't even see your eyes. 

Your hair is thin and lifeless, sitting flat atop your head. Your skin is nearly sheet white, about the color of your hair if not lighter. Your veins are very prominent, making your face a map of rivers. Once your gaze falls upon your eyes, you're forced to look away. You can't stand them. 

Banging on the door hints that it's time to leave. You shake your head clear and exit the bathroom. Bro is gone and back to his room already. To be completely honest, you haven't seen him in a while. This would be concerning, for someone who doesn't live in the Strider household.

You're about to head out the door when you hear a crash from Bro's room. 

Looks like you're not going to school today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the kids don't use quirks when typing, but they do on Pesterchum. Just a clarification. This chapter kinda sucks, but there will be more in the next one.


	4. How Far Have You Fallen, Dave Strider?

Here we go again, back at school. Why are you back at school? The world may never know. It's been a week since Rose stopped talking to you. She doesn't sit with you at lunch anymore. Instead, she sits with her girlfriend Kanaya. 

You like to pretend you don't care that none of your friends really talk to you anymore. It's become a game. How long can you stare at John without him noticing? When was the last time Jade kept a conversation with you lasting longer than thirty seconds? If it's more than two days you get a prize.

Currently you are stuck in the middle of 'What the hell does that word mean?'. Oh, sorry, you mean English. But you know that every single person in this classroom is thinking it right now. As you're pondering this question, you notice that the normal quiet chatter and background static has gone silent. 

"Dave? Dave are you alright?" Oh shit you weren't paying attention. Now Miss Valnor is staring at you with that familiar concerned squint.

"Yeah. Sorry." You save yourself without missing a beat.

"What topic would you like to cover for your paper?" Topic? Paper?

"Um-"

"Alright, you can figure that out with Karkat. Just please figure out the topic by the end of class tomorrow. The assignment is due by the last day of this month. Late assignments will not be accepted." You swear she got all of that out with one breath.

"Yes, Miss." Who the hell is Karkat?

"And Dave?"

"Yes?"

"I should not have to repeat myself. Pay attention in class, or the next time there will be consequences."

"I'm sorry, Miss." Right on time, the bell rings and the background static returns.

"Thank you. Class is dismissed." No, thank you, Miss Valnor. 

As the class files out into the already crowded hallway, you scan the crowd for any face that rings a bell. Soon after doing this, you realize that you don't recognize a single person. You used to know the names of ninety percent of the school. 

How far have you fallen, Dave Strider? And who the hell is Karkat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I'm sorry. This is kind of just a filler until I have more time. Thank you for reading!


	5. Dave Strider Has Regrets Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a three part chapter. Enjoy!

Well, the latter is answered nearly immediately. 

Okay, if there's one thing that everybody needs to know about Dave Strider, it's that nobody surprises Dave Strider. That is, unless they want to miss school. Forever.

But then there's this little asshole, which I mean a giant asshole that happens to be short, that grabs your arm and yells your name and holy shit I'm sorry what the fuck and he's on the ground and when did you take out your pocketknife. You're not sure if it's a good or a bad thing that you missed. You look around quickly and tuck it back into your belt. In the hustle and bustle, nobody even noticed. Yet again, good or bad. 

And suddenly you remember that oh yeah, there's a little asshole on the floor. He seems to be spewing some gibberish that could possibly be English mixed with words that couldn't possibly be English. You forget to apologize and help him up and by the time you remember he's already up.

"What the fuck, shades?! What's your deal?!" Wow that's one big mouth for such a little asshole.

"Um. Yeah. Just. Don't do that." Wow. Suave.

"Don't do what, Dave?! How the hell else are we supposed to do this?!" What the hell is he talking about?

"What?" One syllable. You should get a prize.

"The paper? I'm your partner, dumbass!" Ah. So this is Karkat.

"Oh yeah. That." You forgot about it pretty much as soon as you hand stepped 

"Wow you are just... great with words. I am so impressed. I thought you just didn't like public speaking." Never mind little asshole. Big asshole.

"Thanks." You play it off with a wink and a chuckle. Shit, you're being accidentally charming again. Stop that.

The hallway is silent and empty now, save for you two. Even Karkat lowers his voice. Speaking of voice, you just noticed how deep it is. It's kind of comical. Aaand whoops you're totally checking him out. You get this dialogue in your head. 

'That sweater is way too big on him. But look at those collarbones. Shorter than I thought he was. Does he ever comb his hair? Wow, nice to meet you Count Karcula. Those are some fangs you got there. Latino or just tan? Big eyes. Oh but he squints alot. Tiiiny little nose. It's kinda cute. Overbite. Are those claws or fingernails? Okay I'm gonna stop here because I am totally not describing how those skinny jeans fit his form just perfectly. Which, they do.'

"Hey, I have to get to my next class-" He starts walking down the hallway.

"But I left my number on your notebook and, hey, um-" He's yelling down the hallway now. Well, yelling louder than usual.

"Try to be less obvious." He turns away from you and rounds the corner, leaving you standing in the hallway, late for class, and trying to savor the image of those skinny jeans.

Wow. 

-

You never thought you would actually call the number. But you had to. You had to think of an idea for the paper, and fuck if you had any on the top of your head. Your momentary attraction to him had ended about as soon as you got home and you remember that he's an asshole, and you are not gay.

Of course, it goes straight to voicemail.

"Hello, this is KARKAT VANTAS and if you are listening to this right now then I probably DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU. Beeeeep." Okay, maybe you chuckled a little. Only a little.

With nothing else to do, you fall back onto your bed. A sigh escapes. You have to do your homework.

-

About ten minutes of 'What the hell is this gibberish' later you try to call Karkat again. It doesn't work. You didn't expect it to.

\- 

You tried to do your homework. But it just wasn't working out. So you ended up watching mindless TV for an hour or so. Why do you do this? You know it's a ridiculous routine. A terrible habit. You don't know why you do this to yourself. No, not the homework or the TV. 

The waiting. 

Not for Karkat to call back, although a selfish thought crosses your mind that you want him to. For the door to open. For Bro to come in carrying groceries and asking what you want for dinner. Mac n Cheese or Eggos? Of course it's Eggos, it's always Eggos on Fridays. 

You wait for the hair rustle and the silent strife invitation. He always beats you, but he tells you you'll beat him one day. For the late night apple juice conversations about life and cool kid philosophical shit.

You even wait for the giggle and the stumble into the apartment and the shh Dave go to bed now. For the dirty whispers and the squeaking of the futon. 

You wait for Bro. But it's never Bro that comes home.

-

After some midnight pondering, you made a difficult decision. But it had to be made. 

New rule. 

Do not depend on others.

-

It's Saturday. Why is that important? You have one more day to think of a topic for your essay. Why is that relevant? Because that means you have to call Karkat. So what are you doing right now instead of calling Karkat? Staring at his number on your screen.

You idiot. Why can't you just call him? It's not like you have a choice! Just stick to the rules and everything will be fine. Chill.

"What the fuck do you want?" Oh wow deep voice woo.

"Uh-"

"Oh. It's you. The ass with the knife." Nice first impression, Dave.

"Yeah." Because what else are you supposed to say? Sorry?

"Let me guess. Can't even think of an idea for the paper?" Yeesh. Does he really think you're that pathetic?

"Yeah." Because you are.

"You're so lucky I already thought of one. Now either you tell me which shitty part of town you live in, or I hang up right now."

And that is how you ended up with the doorbell ringing and a million thoughts racing through your head saying you're going to regret this.


End file.
